This last week I’ve had several people ask my thoughts and insights on Twin Flame relationships – how can they find their Twin Flame? What happens in those relationships?
Here is my experience:
First, there is a difference between a Twin Flame relationship and a Soul Mate relationship. There are also romantic relationships we can enter in to that are neither of these. I’ve had all of these in my lifetime, and can absolutely say each type is unique and comes with its own set of challenges. I also think there’s a romanticized idea of what a Twin Flame is, as if meeting that person will be some sort of magical doves-singing-clouds-parting-epiphany-of-love that is always blissful and you never have to worry about working at a relationship again. Most often, that’s not the case.
A SOUL MATE relationship is with a person who is part of your soul family that you have had lifetimes of experiences with. Maybe in one lifetime as husband / wife, another as father / daughter, another as siblings. You can and do have multiple soul mates (some say dozens or even hundreds) in all places around the world. Ultimately, you’ve agreed to come together with this person again in this lifetime for a mutual purpose – likely to heal, or to elevate your consciousness, or to grow. Perhaps you felt so strongly about this person you got an astrology or past life reading and received a ton of information on who you’ve each been to each other, thinking “I knew it!”. And because you’ve shared lifetimes, you’ll have that immediate deep spark of “knowing” who they are when you meet them. Conversations are deep and physical attraction is strong. Sex is amazing. However: you are not necessarily together for a higher purpose. Often this type of relationship is tied to karmic imprints and wounds that must be healed. Its not to say a soul mate relationship isn’t potent: it absolutely can be! Soul mates can have a beautifully deep and loving relationship, one with marriage and kids and so forth. But that relationship agreement usually ends at death (if you’re together until then) — meaning although a bond remains, the romantic partnership agreement is completed by both souls and you move on.
Of course, Soul Mate relationships can also be troublesome because of the past life connections and karmic imprints to heal, and can be short lived if both partners are not ready for their healing work to be done. One partner may be on a faster track than the other towards healing and awakening, which can create misalignment on the timing of the union. If it doesn’t work out, the separation can be painful, but in time there (usually) becomes a knowing that the relationship was for a reason, that you grew as a result, and become grateful for it happening – regardless of the outcome.
TWIN FLAMES, on the other hand, are about a reunification of two souls on an ascension path and often come together in their final lifetime after centuries (or more) of personal work. By coming together it greatly accelerates all learning and awakening. This means there is a deep and powerful process of purification that comes with it. All comes up for healing as you become intimate divine mirrors for each other. Beautiful? Yes. Always blissful and easy? No. I’ve read, and agree, that Twin Flames come together for a greater spiritual purpose and work they are meant to do with each other and the world. They have a bigger purpose put in motion by being together, which comes with a tremendous responsibility. They are ultimately together to become balanced in their masculine / feminine energies and birth forth tremendous Creational energy. I know this to be in true with John and I, and I see it in friends who have found their Twin Flame: the “mission” or purpose of being together becomes as great as the relationship itself, and their paths are greatly accelerated.
Many of us have also had what I will call UNCONSCIOUS PAIRINGS… or rather romantic relationships that were entered in to based on unhealed patterns, parent dynamics (how we were raised), what we think we want or need at the time, material desires, physical attractions, someone who meets our “checklist”, and so forth. In the beginning they can be fiery and passionate and of course love can be present, but there is usually profound differences within the soul that create on-going issues throughout the pairing – be it for a few years or a few decades. The unhealed aspects of each individual keep bumping in to each other on the path through life, and if one person starts to awaken to their soul’s calling, there can be a deep desire to flee or look elsewhere for connection with people who mirror their own soul.
In my own life I have been married before – someone who was definitely not a Soul Mate, and certainly not my Twin Flame. We came together for certain (hard) lessons. It was an unconscious pairing, and one that I entered in to for very mental reasons based on who I was at that point in my life and the wounds I carried (issues still to heal from abuse, being unhealthily attracted to overly-dominant men, focusing on material goods, etc). It was surface level, but to all my family and outward appearances it look fine – your usual be together, live together, get married, buy a house, work hard. But my soul never felt complete, even though the relationship seemed “good” on the surface. We led divergent lives with very different core beliefs. The further we went along (10 years total), the harder and more miserable we both became. In my heart, I always had that nagging feeling he wasn’t “the one”, and in hindsight I never truly felt free, happy or open to life. I became a closed shell, my heart was cut off, and I felt stuck.
I’ve also had a powerful Soul Mate relationship with someone that I became so utterly and completely intertwined with emotionally and physically that I was devastated when it ended. It hurt more than my divorce. When we met my soul recognized him immediately, and it was powerful. Although we could have married, it wasn’t from the most healed place. I know now we were together for a very specific purpose – to heal and launch us on a new path in life. But there came a point where my “awakening”, healing and spiritual path was on a different (and faster) trajectory and the relationship couldn’t be sustained.
With John and I, we met at a very tumultuous time – I was still completing my divorce and mid-relationship with this “soul mate”. The spark of divine love was there, but the Universe was making sure all our crap was up to be seen and healed if we were going to be together. That first year was intense, and the Universe / Spirit made sure we were on a potent path of healing all our baggage: which is why it just so happened we met at the beginning of a 2 year shaman training school when we could be immersed, full time, in healing, opening and awakening. Everything – and I mean everything – was up to look at so we could become transparent in who we were. But soon in to it, the potency of our union became apparent and it was a deeper connection and transparency of Soul than I had EVER felt or experienced. The “we” part was amazing, magical, and potent when we were together – but life and all the situations and emotions around us was a tornado of change unlike anything I had known. And yes, the physical connection was (and remains) amazing – but its because of the ever-present access we have to our soul union, not just because I think he’s hot. 😉
The last important differentiation of Twin Flames is this:
There is level of purity you must maintain or you will be brought back to some pretty deep and hard processes of self reflection. It goes beyond one lifetime into a greater ascension process you have committed to over lifetimes, cumulating in this one final life together…. and into a union that will last far beyond death. I know, without a doubt, that John and I are together not just “til death do us part”, but for eternity… or for whatever energies we merge in to after this life. I look at him and quite literally (and sometimes eerily) see ME. His soul is my own. And once we processed what we needed to, the acceleration, activations, awakenings, abilities, connections, and opportunities went in to hyper speed.
Our union is far more potent than who we are as individuals.
Our power of Creation together is on unimaginable scales (for better or worse).
But with each opening comes more lessons we must learn and be conscious to. It takes work, but it is incredibly fulfilling to know in my heart I have finally reunited with my Twin Flame after centuries of working through what was needed to come to this point.
So if this is something you’re wanting, I would ask yourself:
- Why are you seeking a Twin Flame relationship?
- What is it you are really hoping for in a lifetime partner? (deep love? spiritual connection? mutual honoring? being on the same path?)
- Do you feel in your heart you’re ready for this intensity, and ready to step in to your Soul’s highest calling? (even if that means moving cities, changing jobs, completely changing lifestyles and everything you know?)
- What healing or awakening path have you been on?
- Do you feel complete with yourself now, fully?
- How are you expressing love for yourself and to all others?
The best thing you can do is do your own healing work, as hard as it may be. As John once said early on, he realized he needed to “stop looking for the right partner, and just BE the right partner”. He said quite authentically on our first date that he needed “to become a man worthy of his ideal partner’s choosing”.
Or as I recently read (source unknown)….
“If you are ready vibrationally to experience love, then love will find you and has an infinite amount of possible ways to appear in your realm of experience.”
It’s not about seeking one type of relationship, but truly doing your own work and being open to all the ways Love can show up. Become an abundance of overflowing love yourself, for yourself, and for everyone around you — and I promise you the exact right man / woman will show up in the timing, way, and place they’re supposed to.
It’s what you may have heard before, but you need to be complete within yourself – not look for completion in a partner. No relationship is always blissful, but once Love is anchored at the core of your being, a romantic union will manifest that is a reflection of your own Soul.