Thirteen years ago when I was first living in New York City, I had a job running a business development division for a new media company. It was a good job, with good pay, with good people, in a pretty good environment. I remember sitting out in Sheep’s meadow in Central Park talking to a friend at the time. I was speaking of my job and living situation, thinking that I had things figured out. I remember saying, “Now, I just need to make more money”.
Then, just at that moment, something inside me said very strongly, “I don’t think that’s the answer.”
It was as if those words came right through my solar plexus, up from my belly and out into my chest. I remember it distinctly because the words had a certain feeling to them. It was a feeling of knowingness. Of knowing that something just wasn’t right with the statement I had made about “more money”. It just felt off. I wasn’t really conscious of what it could possibly be. I had just made the statement about money, thinking I had my life figured out, and then we just went on to the next topic of conversation. I don’t remember what we talked about next.
But the feeling stayed with me.
It was a feeling that there was something much bigger planned for me. That day, I had no idea what it could be. I couldn’t see it or hear it at all. It just felt as if there was something more. The limited way that I had defined my life that day just didn’t feel right.
What was speaking to me that day was My Calling. It was my calling to be so much more than what I was currently being at the time. It was a spiritual calling, a creative calling, and a calling to be of service. That day, I couldn’t really hear it. And I certainly couldn’t articulate it. I simply felt that there was something more in store for me. It wasn’t until four years later, after I had left the New Media job to go to work in Entertainment for Wilhelmina Models, that I heard the calling again.
At this point my life was radically different. If I thought I had things figured out before, now I was making more money and living in a much nicer apartment in a great neighborhood of the city. As an agent, I had friends galore, lots of dates, and endless invitations to great parties. As Beyoncé’s agent, I thought I had the most important job in the world. So at least to my ego, my work really mattered.
And yet, through all of that noise, my calling piped up again. I knew I had to leave it all behind. It began as a general feeling of dissatisfaction. That no matter what happened in terms of outward business or social success, I just wasn’t fulfilled. That feeling caused me to do a bunch of searching. I decided to take some self development courses and started asking myself some serious questions. It was out of that exploration that I realized that I had to do something with my life that had a greater impact on people, and not something that just served my own ego. I ached to make a bigger difference. This feeling grew until I finally had to take action.
So I left my job as an agent. Initially it was to write a book and become a life coach for people in entertainment.
When people heard that I had left Wilhelmina to become a life coach, they thought I was crazy. And my ego certainly took a smack-down in those first few years. I found out who my real friends were. I struggled financially for a while. But I have to tell you, I much prefer the life I have now to the life I had then. I had heard my calling and had the guts to act on it.
But that’s me. What about you?
The universe is always speaking. Are you listening?