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(Re)Connecting in Marriage after Children

Written by Eden Clark

Having children is something no one can fully be prepared for.

It can wear you down, at times crushing even the strongest of relationships. The love we have and give to our children can take a toll on a partnership because you, once a gloriously in love couple focused solely on each other and your adventure-filled lives, become second to the health and well being of these new little beings demanding every bit of your energy and focus.

Every parent I know has said “be sure to have date nights!“, at once something I thought was trivial because John and I have always been deeply connected as twin flames. But having children back to back (2 within a year and a half), massive sleep deprivation, no family close by and the financial strain of added help and baby stuff and diapers and babysitters has at times worn us down. We never doubt we are together for life, but like so many couples I speak with, our day to day gets strained and at times has left us separated and at odds as we bunker down in survival mode, playing our roles as mom and dad.

This week we were gifted the miracle of leaving our kids with my inlaws and given five days alone. The first few days we became so present to our exhaustion and the survival mode we’ve been in we just had to rest.  It was still hard to connect as we both went inward to retreat and find our grounding (in addition to tending to preparations of a workshop we were leading).  But once rest came and we once again found our grounding individually, we found each other. We found the love and passion that has always been there. We had the sparkly love and twinkly looks and deep conversations and intimate connection – without a little voice interrupting us every 2 minutes. I remembered how much I love the way he smells and the curl of his hair. I remembered how good it felt to be snuggled into his chest as I gently fell asleep. We both realized the strength we have together versus the isolation we feel when we’re apart.

We adore our children, but it takes a toll on a marriage.  It does, however, build a strong partnership if you’re willing to create time to reconnect and re-remember the love and connection you have always had.

And so for this year we commited to more time alone. More of us, more date nights and date days and reclaiming the “us” that gives us the strength to do what we do. Also more time for self care and self preservation so we can be whole. We got to reawaken the commitment we made to each other, our path and our vision for the life we want to create.

Tomorrow our kids come home and we know we’ll be tested, but this moment has shown us that we can always return to the love that is there when we are able to take time for ourselves to feel whole and honor each of our contributions to our family.   When we do so, we re- connect to the partnership that has always been there and the deep love that created our divine family in the first place.


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About the author

Eden Clark

Eden has been a published author with Random House, has written for countless magazines and blogs, and is a contributing writer for PREVENTION magazine with more that 10 million readers. Her desire is for people to step out of the exhaustive cycle of what they think their life has to be, and instead awaken to their full power, their highest path, and their brightest future.